KIND is not a four letter word
Seriously, being kind might be the most important thing you can do for your career, your team, and your own happiness.
Kind work environments have higher performing teams.
No, seriously! Many of started our careers in business environments where kindness was at best irrelevant to success, and at worst a liability. Toughness- not kindness - was the attribute that leaders were expected to cultivate.
Jack Welch, GE’s original patriarch, famously said that not having edge was a fatal flaw in a leader. Larry Ellison of Oracle took it a step further and encouraged MBR – Managing by Ridicule. Leaders who grew up with this rhetoric internalized it and often terrorized their teams with rude and demeaning behavior. These leadership styles normalized meanness, and the corporate culture adapted accordingly. Feedback I received on countless annual reviews was that I was too “soft” and needed to be “harder” on my teams. I tried. I yelled more. I smiled less.
A pause here to apologize to everyone who worked for and with me back then because – spoiler alert– we were all terribly wrong!
Research shows working in an environment that lacks kindness lowers job performance.
This includes not just direct bullying behaviors, but also more indirect workplace incivility like speaking in a rude or condescending manner, disrespectfulness, and disregard for others’ feelings.
The mechanism that lowers performance is emotional exhaustion. Workplace unkindness adds an chronic incremental stress and strain on individuals. Employees expend precious cognitive and emotional resources to cope with unkind behavior, and consequently are left with less energy and resources to excel at their jobs.
Being kind to others makes you happier too!
If cultivating higher performance isn’t enough to motivate you to kindness, maybe you will be compelled by the research revealing that acting with kindness has a causal effect on being happy. It isn’t just that kind people are happy people, being kind makes you happier.
A recent meta-analysis of experimental kindness confirmed that the consequence of kindness is improved well-being. Performing acts of kindness improves the happiness of the actor.
This doesn’t seem that shocking when we recall occasions when we have been kind versus ones when we were mean, disrespectful, or rude. Let’s revisit my early days in management when I was acting on the feedback that I needed to be tougher and less kind. I embraced the tyrannical leadership that was modeled for me and tried hard to adjust my style. I relentlessly called people out for small slights. I gave merciless criticism for errors. Not only was that behavior incredibly inauthentic to who I am, but it made me miserable as well. I was both misguided and terribly wrong.
81% of Americans would rather be happy than achieve great things, but the truth is that tradeoff is not required. Kindness is the connective tissue between great performance and great happiness.
Kindness makes us better and makes us happier, so how do we get started?
Three kind things you can do today
Say thank you. Gratitude is strongly correlated with happiness and resilience, so is being appreciated. Get a two-for-one and make a coworker - and yourself - feel great by telling them something you appreciate about them!
Give a cuppa! Bring a cup of coffee or tea to a co-worker who might feel too busy or overwhelmed to take a break and get it themselves. This small act makes your coworker feel seen, acknowledged, and cared for.
Ask a coworker their favorite song. This is simple question is an approachable gateway to authentic connection, and connection is a gateway to happiness.
Get out there and give it a try. Help converge performance and happiness for your team!
Find out more about Emily and her mission to bring kindness and authenticity to the career journey.
Article Sources:
Rhee, S. Y., Hur, W. M., & Kim, M. (2017). The relationship of coworker incivility to job performance and the moderating role of self-efficacy and compassion at work: The job demands-resources (JD-R) approach. Journal of Business and Psychology, 32, 711-726.
Curry, O. S., Rowland, L. A., Van Lissa, C. J., Zlotowitz, S., McAlaney, J., & Whitehouse, H. (2018). Happy to help? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the effects of performing acts of kindness on the well-being of the actor. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 76, 320-329.
